It’s summer and the one thing I hate to do in the summer is wear lingerie. I gave up wearing underwear years ago, and now only wear bras under duress. It’s not a political statement, I just hate the restriction of having the ladies contained. There is nothing more uncomfortable than sweating in some lace and underwire contraption, that makes me feel constrained. I find them mildly claustrophobic – maybe that’s my big neurosis. I’m always pulling them out of my sleeve when driving home from some function or meeting where to be braless would give the wrong kind of message. My sweetie lovingly suggests that given gravity (only with how long I nursed my kids), I’ll soon be having to tuck the girls into the waistband of my pants, if i don’t think about some boulder holder that may give me some support.
The bras I have are starting to look more than a little forlorn, I went online, and into a few neighborhood stores to see if I could find the most elusive of items- a comfortable brassiere. Did you know that there are whole sites dedicated to “the big boobed woman”, and ones that design “fig leaves that delicately cover you”, and now a new smooth backless number that apparently eliminates those wrinkly rolls that appear when looking at my ample cleavage, and I that I wish would go away. I read review after review (the underwire is poking through, or it left marks where it dug into my back), and despite trying on ten myself, have yet to find one that holds me in, pushes me up, and still doesn’t make me feel like ripping it off and throwing it out of a moving car. So if you see a beat up C cup lying at the side of the Queensway you’ll know I have driven by recently. Smile and think of me. In the meantime, ‘let the girls hang low, and the hell with gravity.”