I’ve been fighting with a number of doctors lately about our mutual patients. I see so many women with low libido who are struggling to “get themselves in the mood”. Many physicians assume that if you don’t want to have sex you are too tired and mad at your husband. That can be true, but many women I see with low libido describe their marriages as a 9 out of 10 – if you don’t count the sex.

So I start talking to their doctors about hormones, blood work, supplements. Most physicians since 2002 have had NO Training in HRT, and none as it relates to libido. That’s a story for another blog (and follow my libido thread or read my package on the Libido Diet). But what it interesting is that these women are working at keeping their relationships hot. Their marriages are magic.

So I asked them “what was their secret?” The answers seem to go back to fundamental truths.

1. “Trust”, said J in my meeting yesterday. “I know that no matter what we do, I can trust him.” I don’t question his suggestions and I want to solve the problem as badly as he does.

2. Honesty is another key factor. Always be honest about your feelings. keeping it real doesn’t let little untruths come back and bite you in the ass.

3. Unconditional acceptance. Sometimes I see it with Spif and we are looking at the same problem totally differently. I think much of that is about gender. We may not agree, but I love him irregardless and am always willing to hear him out.

4. Ability to cave. Giving in is just another form of compromise that we all have to face at times. Finding a win/win can be hard, but no one wants to lose every argument.

5. Creative together time. I’ve been preaching date nights until I’m blue. Finding ones with a sensuous outcome or that allow each of us to be creative really bring us together (and the sex is awesome). Check out last night’s date night picture at www.loveandlipstick.com where we dressed up as pirates and shot water canons off the pirate boat. Fun, sexy, and creative.