How to Make People Like You by Nick Boothman is a popular book about being popular. I think having personal charisma and cultivating charm is so important there should be a degree in it. Or at least a High School course. Having friends and understanding social situations is so important in being happy.
Nick Boothman talks about why you need to make an impression. It’s about love, sex, connection, popularity, fun, community and joy. It’s also important for work, and feeling fulfilled or self actualized.
Boothman says, “In face to face communication, it’s not enough to command the other person’s attention. You must also be able to hold on to it long enough to deliver your message or intention. It comes down to three things:
1. your presence, i.e. what you look like and how you move
2. your attitude, i.e. what you say, how you say it, and how interesting you are;
3. how you make people feel.
He goes on to talk about eye contact, flirting, mirroring (you lean in when they lean in etc), being well read, and understanding those “connective languages”.
I talk about them in session all of the time.
What I mean by that is gearing your conversation to how the other person processes information. For example, as a talk show host I am completely verbal. For me it’s about sound. I am an auditory learner, and I need you to HEAR me.
Other people are visual and need to be SEEN. They need conversation lead ins like How did you see that? Or what did that situation look like”.
Finally there are the physical learners. These are mainly men who need you to SHOW them before they understand. An example would be “How did that feel?” We are going to be discussing other ways to become more charismatic as I finish the interviews with the top 10 most charismatic people I can get on the phone. Unfortunately Bill Clinton and Brian Mulroney haven’t yet returned my calls. Stay tuned for more ideas on getting people to like you (really like you) very quickly.