Most people live a life of acceptance. We go through our days of work, kids, groceries, extended family and laundry. We are so busy caught up in the day to day that we don’t spend a few minutes every day reaching towards the goals we want to attain. So how do you reinvent yourself to become the person you want to be? A large group of women polled by the University of Arizona were asked “what they would most like to change about themselves” and the answers were as expected. The women 25-55 wanted to be happier, thinner, richer, sexier, in better shape, and to find more time for themselves. Those are things most women I know relate to. I know that thinner and physically fitter top my list of goals year after year.
What all of these goals have in common is that they are large goals about self care.
The truth is that happiness occurs when we reach our goals. These are the big goals we have set out to achieve in our lifetime. And that is where the feeling of accomplishment factors in. It is when we like ourselves the most. Feeling sexier is one of those big goals that make us happier and contributes to our overall quality of life.
If you are like me, you’ve learned that you only need to work hard to get what you want. But as a sex therapist I know that sexuality is one of those things that you can’t power through. You can’t strong-arm desire. You can’t force yourself to feel sexual chemistry if it isn’t there. You also can’t seem to work harder to have the feeling you want. Tell any depressed person to “simply be happier” and I’ll guarantee that they won’t appreciate your pat answer. Its little things done regularly that add up to large shifts.
So how do we change those sexual feelings and become the sexy woman we all want to be?
It starts with loving the body we are in. I know, easier said than done. It is one of the universal things about women. We ALL have body image issues. Even the one Supermodel I met at a conference thought her thighs were too fat. One of the key things I see with women who don’t feel sexy is distaste for their own vaginas. Whether you were told that nice girls don’t touch themselves, or you think your girl parts are weird looking, it may be time to find a mirror and really check yourself out. Men seem to be very familiar with their genitals. For a lot of women, it’s often a mystery down there. It’s not the only thing that defines your sexuality (I still preach that the brain is the biggest sex organ) but it is one of the big areas of sexual sensation. I often tell clients that “if they can’t play with their own equipment, it’s hard to tell a partner what you actually like”. I think that if you want to feel sexy about yourself, you need to fall in love with your vajayjay and spend some alone time with it now and then.
There are typical things you can list off to “fake it until you make it” to feel sexier today. I have a friend whose one indulgence is spectacular lingerie under her kid-friendly clothes as a kindergarten teacher. Or I know of a client who puts on a pair of vibrating panties before she leaves work. She drives home buzzing and is feeling very sexy when she hits her driveway. Reading erotica, learning to salsa dance or taking flirting to a new level with the men at the bus stop can get your sexy motor running and is good for your mojo.
It feels good to feel sexy. I have my clients say that out loud in therapy. Try it right now. I FEEL SEXY! Have a listen to my sexual hypnosis audio on discovering your sexy self. Call it personal training for your sexuality. That sexy woman inside you will thank you for it.