Hi Sue,

I am in the Canadian military and am deployed at the moment. I’ve left my beautiful 29 year old wife at home alone. I believe she hasn’t slept with anyone else, but there is a guy she met at a conference who is taking her for lunch, and being her buddy. I know guys, and if you saw my wife you would understand that he isn’t just looking to be friends. She claims the long conversations over ice cream don’t mean anything, but I am going crazy. Am I over reacting?

Lt. H.

Dear LT,

I’m sorry you are torn up about this. You know as well as I do that if there is smoke, there is usually fire. Your wife may very likely be hanging on to her marriage vows, but it doesn’t mean that she isn’t committing emotional infidelity. For any woman, positive male attention is something we all crave and is very hard to say no to. For a women who is missing her husband and is all alone, it is especially difficult.

Military relationships are especially hard. They have over a 60% divorce rate compared to 51% of the regular population. A woman needs to be emotionally very strong with lots of support to wait without a partner. In some ways it would be easier if she was just having a casual affair to get her oil changed and wasn’t getting emotionally involved.

It’s time to remind her as best as you can how much you love her, and the great life you’ll have when you get back. Send your friends and family over to support her. Talk to her by skype and remind her of the short time until you are together again. Send her cards, notes and as much love as you can long distance. We’ve committed to getting out of Afghanistan by 2012. Until then, keep your head down and focus on coming home safely.