I’m reading Hallowell’s bok Married to Distraction for this week’s Love and Lipstick (www.love and lipstick.com) show. What struck me was the importance of attention.
I constantly tell my patients that positive attention from you is what your spouse is craving.
I asked my sister-in-law the coolest divorce lawyer around about reasons for splits. She talks about facebook, infidelity and workaholics. The idea is that you get married to spend your life with someone and they may never be home weighs heavily on any relationship. Your relationship needs time and attention.
Here are the take aways from the book:
The important things are that your partner knows that you think highly of them.
2. That you care deeply for them
3. Think they are proficient at something.
The authors go on to say that the things we absolutely need are:
1. the aforementioned attention
3. Empathy (I see things from your side, walk in yor shoes)
4. Connection – we are similar in our values and see the world in the same way
5. Play – when was the last time you had laugh-out-loud fun?
This is the age of interuption. To love you must slow down, pause and attend the other person. Factor that into your blackberry.