Another day, another bunch flurry of emails about getting into bed with your neighbors. No kidding, it’s not just you who are thinking about it. Or at least checking in case your neighbors are having better sex than you are, and you’re missing out. You know all the men are thinking about it, and wishing they could find a way to bring it up swinging in a way that won’t offend the woman in their lives. Talking about exploring sex with other couples can be very difficult, and I’m not minimizing it. But with a few clear rules, and a few hundred thousand conversations about it, and you may be ready to experiment.
Most people have no place to ask about the pitfalls, concerns and trepidations about exploring the arena of multiple partners. I’ve long thought that if you are in a good relationship with an ability to communicate, venturing into the couples-only adult clubs, are safe and erotic enough. I would venture that 40% of the couples who go to clubs just go to hang out and watch, and take in a sexually charged environment. And then go home and jump their partner after they are all revved up. Watching people get hot on the dance floor, or in a play area without fear that it will spill over into your own relationship is very interesting. Let’s face it, sex is interesting. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is curious to see how others do it. We all have a bit a voyeur in us. And, if you are a little bit of an exhibitionist, most clubs have a dance floor with a pole in the middle of it to bring out your secret stripper. Or a play area that allows you to tune out the world and make love to your sweetie with a discreet audience watching. A novel, but safe experience.
In interviewing a number of what I would consider to be sane, happy, ordinary couples, who play, I found they all have a few things in common. They are very secure in their own relationship and with their selves. I’m not saying they are beautiful people, they can be, but for the most part, they are average looking people. It’s not about looks. It’s about how friendly they are, self confident, and having a confidence in their partner and their behavior. The successful swingers seem to stick to a set of rules that becomes their code of conduct. A few examples are that they limit the activities with other people clearly. They don’t play alone, or aren’t out of each other’s sight. Either party can end the experience with no questions asked, and they have to have preliminary meetings with the partner or partners in question before anything happens. I had one couple who only play discreetly with other couples they meet in advance say that it takes four thumbs up to take it to the next step. At any time one person can veto the whole experience. It also seems to minimize the drama. Most couples have rules that suit their particular needs.
There are pitfalls of swinging don’t kid yourself, and I’ll elaborate on those in my next installment, of Sue’s swinging manifesto. Until tomorrow.