Spif (my wonder partner and fellow therapist) and I have been leading a number of libido boot camps. Think couples evenings that take 4 hours to go through the common libido killers and how to fix them. We’ve been taking about hormones, romance, date nights, supplements, tantric sex, abundant health, and feeling sexy.
It’s been eye opening to see how some couples are stuck when it comes to intimacy. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve written volumes about low libido related to physical issues such as food sensitivities, getting off the birth control pills, anti-depressants, low estrogen and progesterone among other things. But if you can’t articulate how you feel about sex, acts you like about sex, and ways you feel sexy then no amount of hormone in the world is going to magically cross the chasm in your bedroom.
I’ve edited down this questionnaire that I’m sharing with you to see if you can get the conversation started. Answer it, and if you still need help email me at email@example.com. I have skype and phone patients all over the world and I can help you put that bounce back in your step.
INSTRUCTIONS: Listed below are several statements that concern the topic of sexual relationships. Please read each item carefully and decide to what extent it is characteristic of you. Some of the items refer to a specific sexual relationship. Whenever possible, answer the questions with your current partner in mind. If you are not currently dating anyone, answer the questions with your most recent partner in mind. If you have never had a sexual relationship, answer in terms of what you think your responses would most likely be. Then, for each statement fill in the response on the answer sheet that indicates how much it applies to you by using the following scale:
A = Not at all characteristic of me.
B = Slightly characteristic of me.
C = Somewhat characteristic of me.
D = Moderately characteristic of me.
E = Very characteristic of me.
1. I am confident about myself as a sexual partner.
2. I think about sex all the time.
3. My sexuality is something that I am largely responsible for.
4. I am very aware of my sexual feelings.
5. I feel anxious when I think about the sexual aspects of my life.
6. I’m very assertive about the sexual aspects of my life.
7. I am depressed about the sexual aspects of my life.
8. I wish I was more sexually open.
9. I am somewhat afraid of being sexual with my partner.
10. I think sex is boring and doesn’t fulfill me
11. I am very satisfied with the way my sexual needs are currently being met.
12. I am a pretty good sexual partner.
13. I think about sex more than anything else.
14. There is so much more I would like to do sexually
15. The sexual aspects of my life are determined in large part by my own behavior.
16. I’m very aware of my sexual motivations.
17. I’m strongly motivated to devote time and effort to sex.
18. I’m not very direct about voicing my sexual preferences.
19. I am disappointed about the quality of my sex life.
20. I’m very concerned with how others evaluate the sexual aspects of my life.
21. I tend to be preoccupied with sex.
22. There are sexual things I would like to do that my partner doesn’t know about.
The answers are coded so that A = 0; B = 1; C = 2; D = 3; and E = 4.