So the Olympics just wound up. I think it’s an opportunity to speculate about the possibilities of a sexual Olympics. I’ve got a friend who thinks we should always make our partners feel like they’ve gotten a gold medal. You know, sing O Canada, stand them up on the pedestal, and shower them with accolades. I don’t know if I would agree with that, for women especially, that may involve faking their sincere reactions to pleasure. Hey, I’m all about giving warm fuzzies to your lover, but faking, in my opinion only slams the door on your own pleasure. How’s a partner to know what you like, or even do the necessary work, if you are busy misdirecting or acting out the moans? For men, like with the Canadian hockey team, the gold medal may just involve too much pressure and hype, which can result in difficulties in the clutch. I happen think that as a rule, Canadians are great in bed. We would be showered with medals in this department. Understated, sensitive, used to snuggling together to ward off the cold, and according to the Durex Sex Survey, more concerned about their partners pleasure than their own.
There’s a lot of similarities between sex and the Olympics. It involves sweating, endurance, and those convoluted, scrunched up facial expressions you get when getting to the finish. There are too are all those sports related sex metaphors like throwing rocks, slapshots, scoring between the periods. And don’t even get me started on the sexy snowboarding lingo.
You look at all these really good looking athletes at the Olympics– and they are really good looking given a lifetime of healthy living and exercise, and wonder just how many of them are actually getting some. Maybe they are all saving themselves? Canadian swim coach Dave Johnson included an abstinence pledge in the official code of conduct for the Canadian women’s and men’s swim teams during the 1996 Summer Games in
. Asked about it recently, he said it was largely an attempt to minimize emotional stress for the swimmers. "Sex creates an extra set of distractions for young athletes," he said. In professional football, many teams require players to check into hotels, away from wives or partners, even before home games. The Steelers coaches conduct room checks. Maybe that’s why they won this year’s Superbowl. So maybe you could be in medal contention even if you are flying solo these days….
I think we should be lobbying to make great sex an Olympic event. Maybe the least amount of thrusting before silmultaneous orgasms, or the longest distance ejaculated. It’s something everyone has a good chance of trying out for, and I guarantee it would do wonders for the ratings on CBC and NBC. Just a thought,
I’m Sue McGarvie, and that’s Sue’s spin on sex.