Sometimes guys can mean well but be clueless. It is partly because of the differences in the brain wiring and the different ways genders approach language. As a rule, and of course with exceptions, guys are more linear and respond to both acting on specific directions and solving problems put to them. Creativity is often not their particular strength. So here is where they crash into the wall known as Valentine’s Day. The media says “buy flowers, a card and a box of chocolates and you will be a hero”. So they do, and women are appreciative but are not blown away and guys don’t understand why. They did exactly what they were told and what they thought was expected. There is letdown on both sides, a $100 plus bill to be paid, and everyone ends up agreeing Valentine’s Day was a waste of time.
Clearly, something has to change. So I suggest that in advance you decide as a couple to generate some romantic time and manufacture the desired results. It sounds contrived to take the spontaneity out of it, however with multiple distractions in our daily lives some effort is actually required to focus on the one you love and it just doesn’t generally happen all by itself. Scheduling intimacy makes it a priority, and thus important in our lives.
So print this off, and read it as a couple. Here is your recipe to a night of re-connecting.
1) Book dinner at a restaurant you have never been to. (One partner can be in charge of this task)
2) Stay in physical contact with each other as much as absolutely possible at the restaurant. (You can start in the car ride on the way there). Be as naughty as is both possible and appropriate for the surroundings. A booth at the back helps!
3) No cell phones, email checks, work or kids talk. Focus on yourselves and why you fell in love. Don’t call home to check on the kids, the babysitter is doing great and the little monsters are enjoying their parental vacation.
4) Listen to your partner. Really listen! Make sure your head is clear and nuisance thoughts are not creeping in. Make him or her feel important and be your complete focus. They are the only person in the world who matters during your time together.
5) Plan something for the two of you in the reasonable future. And follow it through. Whether it be a bucket list trip, taking up a hobby together or purchasing season tickets to the opera or the upcoming football season. As long as you both are into it, or at least prepared to give it a real try, having something to look forward to is critical.
6) Leave enough time in the evening to come home for sex. Whoever didn’t book the restaurant gets the job of planning the sex. Add one new wrinkle that you both are comfortable with and which adds an element of excitement. If you have spent the evening touching, eye gazing and talking about your future, you should be very ready to cap off the night with a little horizontal dancing.
The next morning, hopefully there is a bounce in both your steps that wasn’t there the day before. And romance and Valentine’s day has been elevated to what it was intended to be.